Just watched Rules of Attraction again. Excellent movie. Last time I watched it Johnny got worried that I would commit suicide because there's a lot of strong concepts of that in the movie. I'm gonna have to go rent the book out because I hear that it's really good.
So Johnny has decided to walk from the northern most tip of North America to the southern most tip of South America. He plans on getting a sponsorship from MEC or National Geographic when our lease runs out sometime next May. Ok, it's not that I think that he won't or can't do it, it's just the reason he's gonna do it for. It's not for some charity or to raise awareness, but because of books he reads. He reads books on people and just gets infatuated with what they've done. He's always had a passion for wanting to do stuff like this, but as far as I know the only experience he has in walking is hiking trips and walking downtown in Strathmore. I think that he has a glorified version of what it would be like because the people that have written these books tell all the good details like being able to find work at foreign restaurants or meeting all these neat people. You never hear about the people who realize that the journey is more than they can handle. Anyways...the only reason I'm even talking of this is because I have no idea what I'm doing after he leaves. The most logical thing would be to rent a new smaller place, or get a roommate. But I dunno, Spat's moving to Edmonton (possibly) and most of my friends are out there.
Talked to my mom on Sunday. She got the whole 'what about school?' thing going on. I still don't know about that. I have no clue what I would take, and I just don't see myself doing anything with an education anyways. But, keep in mind I change my mind every other day, so by next week I could be taking up Phsycology 101 for all I know. I'm just happy where I'm at now. Working, and buying the odd treat now and then. Johnny always asks me if I wanna go somewhere with my life and I always reply with 'where?'. Where is this place we're supposed to take our lives? Why do people measure our lives on how 'successful' we were? What qualifies as successful? I'm washing dishes right now. If everyone was supposed to be 'successful' then there would be no dishwashers and we all be eating out food off of dirty shitty plates.
Don't get me wrong, washing dishes is not a glorious job. My life isn't what most people would call happy or a life for that matter. I get up, I watch a movie, listen to music, work, sleep, and repeat. That's about it. I don't really have time for a girl friend or some cool habit. Maybe that's why Johnny's worried about suicide. I don't exactly have tons to live for. But no, I won't. However, I wouldn't be exactly miffed if a doctor told me I had weeks to live. Come to think of it I'd be overjoyed. But there's a couple pretty valid points to not offing myself. First, knowing me, I'd fuck it up and not die. Then I'd have to live with endless amounts of people talking to me and convincing me my life is worth living. Second, I'd upset some people, which is not what I wanna do. But I do have a strong yearning to know what happens when you die. Obviously, if you're religious you believe the whole heaven thing, but I don't. And I absolutely refuse to believe that you stay 6 feet under rotting for the rest of eternity. Something has to happen to your soul, it can't just die. And lately, the urge has been so strong to see what happens, but, as Mick says, we live on...tentively....